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The Shire, Middle Earth, nr Oxford, UK

Thrusday, 4;35 pm-ish

Hi Reader,

For someone who extolls the virtues of becoming a positive outlier, at first sight this might not look at all positive! But please read on...

Resumé Virtues versus Eulogy Virtues

I came across these terms recently. They were coined by New York times, columnist David Brooks. Resumé virtues relate to the core skills and competence in our work; whereas eulogy virtues are what we will leave as a legacy, a sort of asset we developed for others.

I find the distinction very helpful as these are different categories of personal aspiration.

Since resumé virtues cover such things as the core competences we develop to function in our work and other key roles that we may have, they are of keen interest to our potential employers and clients.

Eulogy virtues are more about what we might leave behind that is of value to others.

That is what I want to focus upon in this brief essay.

Write Your Own Eulogy

Eulogy virtues remind me of Stephen Covey's book, First things First:To Live, To Love, To Learn, To Leave a Legacy. He wrote about greater life aims than merely aiming to be efficient and effective.

In that book he included a famous exercise of imagining watching our own funeral. He asked what would our families, friends and colleagues to say about us, when the time comes?

There could well be eulogy virtues that we can set about developing now; things that will evoke positive stories from others, when we pass away.

In my Unburdened coaching programme, one of the elements I get delegates to ponder is what eulogies they would like said at their funerals—from family, friends, colleagues, and neighbours.

Are We the Mirror of the Victorians?

My view is that our culture in the UK in 2024 is the mirror image of that of the Victorians. The Victorians were generally obsessed about death, to the point of morbidity. In comparison to us, they were also somewhat repressed about sex.

We on the other hand are obsessed about sex and self-indulgence, whilst being more repressed about thinking about our own death. We can live in a kind of denial about our own mortality. So “we are amusing ourselves to death,” as Neil Postman put it in his 1985 in his book of the same name.

The Transcendence of Embracing Our Own Mortality

Yet one of the things that really comes through in all this is a remarkable counterintuitive effect: if we embrace our own mortality something wonderful, not morbid, can emerge. Our lives become more centred and valuable.

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Author John Mark Comer, for example, keeps a skull on his desk in his study, to remind him that his days in this life are limited.

Do you have ways of reminding yourself of your own mortality? … or do you wish you had not read all this stuff about your certain death? Denial can be inviting. You can always live in ignorance of it and amuse yourself to death. Not many around you will think you odd or foolish. It is the easy path.

Yours eternally,

Patrick

P.S. Please let me know what you think by hitting reply.